Bite & Release Read online

  I had all this running through my head like a virtual pros and cons list. I’m fucking married—Shit! How could I even contemplate anything with Shea while I was still married? Being married wasn’t even the issue in this emotional mess. What was I thinking, a “friends with benefits” type of relationship with him? Could I even consider going there with him? How could I ever get past the fact that I used to babysit him?

  There was no way that Shea wanted just a casual relationship with me. My gut told me he would want more. It would kill me inside if I ended up breaking his heart. And how exactly did I plan to tell him of my proposal? In my head, and probably on paper, it sounded like a good plan. But coming out and offering it to Shea? I had no idea what his reaction would be. Oh, he’d be all for it at the moment, but regardless of what he said, I knew that somewhere deep inside him, he would hope that he could change my mind, and that I would end up wanting him for more.

  The rehearsal dinner was three weeks away, so I supposed I could talk to him then. Besides, three weeks from now, I might change my mind, but I hardly doubted it considering I had to be with him three days a week and be in very close proximity on the drive to and from work. He was making it very hard for me to say no. The problem was that even as a child, Shea would never take no for an answer, and I had a feeling that as a man, no was hardly a word he ever heard.

  Chapter TEN

  The end of September flew by, and before I knew it, it was the second week of October, almost time for the rehearsal dinner. Trina and Quinn had chosen to have the dinner one week prior to their nuptials instead of the night before. Shea continued to pick me up for work and we fell into a casual routine of being friends, even though his constant verbal innuendos made it clear he was hopeful for more. Between my part-time job and trying to get the house together, I still hadn’t made any definite decisions regarding selling it. Every time I cleaned a new area, I found myself wanting to stay. The house was like a tarnished jewel—the more I cleaned it, the more I saw its potential as being something I wanted to keep.

  I had yet to clean out my dad’s room, his office or the garage—the three rooms I dreaded most. At some point, I needed to learn to drive a stick shift or sell that damn car. I knew Shea would be more than happy to teach me, but I needed to wait until I spoke to him about my proposition. I still had not yet approached the subject of us having the friends with benefits relationship.

  Tonight was Trina and Quinn’s rehearsal dinner, and next weekend was the wedding. Shea was able to get Dr. Hansen and Candy to work this Sunday and the next for both of us. Thank God for small miracles.

  I had purchased a really pretty black and white cocktail dress for the dinner tonight. I’d spent an hour in the bathroom when I got home from work, doing my make-up and hair. When I heard a knock, I knew it was Trina’s mom.

  “Come on in,” I yelled, as I ran down the stairs. I walked into the living room holding my purse and jacket.

  “You look beautiful, Ryan,” Trina’s mom said. Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. “Rylie would have been so proud of you.” That remark was highly suspect, due to the fact my father had made a point to tell me how disappointed he was with me, daily, for years.

  “Thanks, Mrs. Michaels, you look beautiful too,” I returned as I passed her, noticing the strong aroma of alcohol. Someone had decided to start the party early.

  “Now Ryan, please call me Evie. I think of you as family.”

  I wondered how the wedding rehearsal had gone. I was just happy that I wasn’t in the wedding party and could attend as a guest. Trina had apologized at least a dozen times for not including me, but she hadn’t known I’d be here for her wedding. Trina had other friends here, so they were in the wedding. I supposed most best friends would be put out, but not me; considering how my marriage had gone, I loathed weddings. It was just nice to be here, supporting Trina, and checking out the singles scene. So, I was just content going to the rehearsal dinner.

  I hoped that tonight’s event would be a kind of preview to which single men would be at the actual wedding, considering I hadn’t made an effort to tell Shea about my proposition yet. I needed something to look forward to, and maybe there would be opportunities at the wedding Okay, so I was not actually single, but as far as anyone in this frozen hell was concerned, I was unattached. To be truthful, I felt detached. Garrison was more like an anchor than a husband. I really needed to start checking out lawyers, but that meant a paper trail, and that meant Garrison would find me. I felt panic race through my chest just thinking about how mad he probably was. I’d been gone for almost two months now; when I had left him before, he still knew exactly where I was at all times, but this time was different. I had disappeared out of his reach.

  I hoped.

  I nodded to Evie and she followed me as we walked towards the door. I turned on the porch light and made sure the door was locked. Thank God a taxi was waiting for us because I wasn’t sure how much Evie had drank, and the last thing I wanted to be involved in was Trina’s mom getting a DUI.

  Evie and I made small talk on the way to the restaurant. She was oddly curious about New York. I told her a few things, just enough to satisfy her curiosity, and of course I left out my crazy husband and the fact that me naked was the only way I’d ever get into a film. She, in turn, told me how fond she had been of my dad and how he had been such a good friend, and he was always there for Trina and Andrew after I’d moved away. She had nothing but wonderful things to say about my dad, and that still rattled me inside. Clearly, he was a different person with everyone else; with me, he expected complete and utter perfection and he never settled for anything else. How disillusioned he must have been with me.

  When we arrived, the restaurant was packed. I was kind of surprised to see that Trina and Quinn’s rehearsal dinner was being held in such a lavish place. Even though I knew Trina’s family had money, this place just looked a little much, and it appeared somewhat contrived for Trina. I think Evie must have sensed my surprise and filled me in on some very juicy details. Evidently, Quinn was not actually a bank employee—his parents owned the bank and all of the branches that went with it. They were extremely wealthy, so Trina had hit the mother lode with Quinn. And even though Evie had offered to pay for the entire event, Quinn’s parents had gone ahead and rented out the entire place and even hired a small contemporary band. It seemed like overkill for the rehearsal dinner, but I’m sure it made Trina happy, and Evie seemed more than ecstatic to tell me all about it. As we walked in, I saw Trina coming towards me, a smile from ear to ear plastered on her face. Evie and I both took off our coats and handed them to the hostess.

  “Ryan, you look amazing,” Trina squealed as she grabbed my arm.

  “You look pretty good too, girlfriend,” I chuckled. “You clean up real nice, and so does your beau.” I looked over at Quinn and nodded my head to him in acknowledgement, knowing full well that I couldn’t tear him away from the several people he was talking too—all at the same time.

  “So, how’s the job? How’s working with Andrew? Give me all the details,” Trina babbled, almost out of breath. I got the impression the blushing bride was slightly inebriated.

  “What are you drinking, chicky?” I laughed. “And I’ll have what you’re having, please.”

  “Oh, it’s these tiny little shooters. I don’t know what they are, but they are so yummy,” she trilled, her hands fluttering in the air as she pulled me towards the bar. “Open bar, Ryan, so go easy.” Trina’s eyes were glassy, either from drinking or from happiness, maybe even both. I grabbed a small shot glass and threw it back. Wow . . . these shooters are definitely yummy. I took another one but sipped it while looking around. I felt a lump form in my throat as my eyes settled on Shea. He was standing behind Quinn, with his head bent down, talking to him. Even though I had just seen him two hours ago, he looked different. Dressed in dark dress slacks, with a dark blue pinstriped shirt open at the collar, he looked wickedly handsome. As if he felt my eyes boring into him,
he looked up and caught my gaze. A smile touched his lips, as I felt my insides go liquid. His hair looked slightly damp as if he had just gotten out of the shower, and he hadn’t shaved.

  It was as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room and I felt my pulse spike. My emotions splintered for a moment, and I wanted to go straight into his arms so badly—this terrible hunger in me needed gratification, and only Shea would do. I saw him regularly at work, and I was used to his presence, so I had no idea why all these emotions were swirling inside of me. I guess we always crave what we can’t have. The sad fact was that I could have him, but there would be consequences . . . consequences I didn’t want to face.

  Shea began to move towards me as I saw Carrie’s arms snake around his waist. She was here with him, so obviously it was a date. I saw her smirk as she glared at me, and there was no doubt she knew what was going on. Yet, she had no idea just how easy it would be for me to take Shea from her.

  Seriously? I’m thirty-four years old and I am considering going to war with a twenty-one year old girl. I shook my head and broke the trance with Shea, downing my shot.

  As soon as Trina pulled me over to meet Quinn’s family, Carrie dragged Shea away. Quinn had three brothers, two of which were single and looking at me like I was the appetizer. After three hours of eating, drinking, toasting and numerous men stepping on my toes during mundane dances, I was ready to call it a night. I excused myself and headed towards the rest room. I manoeuvred myself down a corridor when someone suddenly grabbed me from behind. As I let out a scream, a hand went over my mouth.

  “Ryan, it’s just me,” Shea whispered into my ear. As he took his hand away, I smacked him with my purse.

  “Are you fucking crazy? You just scared the crap out of me!” I glared at him while my nerves calmed down. For one terrifying moment, I had thought that Garrison had found me. Shea put his arm around me as he pulled me into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

  “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” I choked out. God, why did he have to smell so good, like lightly scented men’s cologne mixed with Italian food?

  “I wanted . . . no, I needed to be alone with you.” He licked his lips as he spoke. This was not a good idea being alone with him in a restaurant bathroom, with guests out there and Carrie on the prowl, hunting him.

  “Shea, you see me at work.” I paused, inhaling his scent. A fire in my belly settled into my sex, turning into intense need. “I’m pretty sure your date is going to notice your absence.” Even as I spoke, I felt myself leaning into him. He was drawing me in, and it felt natural.

  “First of all, seeing you at work isn’t like this,” he said admiringly, fingering the straps of my dress, his eyes lighting with approval. “Second of all, Carrie’s not my date. Well she was before, but when I broke it off, I just assumed she would know that tonight was off. She just showed up at my apartment, dressed up, expecting to go.”

  I ran my hand up and down the sleeve of his arm. I completely understood that Shea could not be cruel to Carrie. I had the sudden clarity that he was just a nice man, and that he wasn’t the typical player. He picked me up and sat me on the counter, fitting my body between his legs. When he did that, it caused my already short dress to rise another two inches. Good thing I had decided to wear panties.

  As he leaned in closer, I could feel his arousal. My eyes peered downward, finding his hard as steel cock straining under his dress slacks. This time, Shea didn’t announce it or even ask for permission as he cupped the back my head. “Open for me, Ryan,” he murmured. The kiss began soft and tender. I ran my hands up and down the back of his shirt, causing him to utter a soft moan into my mouth. As his tongue caressed mine, I leaned into him and he deepened the kiss. He kissed me like he wanted to devour me and I felt possessed, obsessed, and completely out of control. As he continued to ravage my lips, I pressed my body into his erection, and I heard Shea growl.

  I fumbled as my fingers slipped down to his waistband and pulled down his zipper. At one point, he stopped the kiss to look at me, and the longing in his eyes made my breath hitch. The sexy rasp of his zipper splitting in two fueled my burning need to touch him. I braced my head on Shea’s chest and looked downward as I reached inside his loosened pants and released his cock. I hissed as it sprang free, so big, thick, and silky. I wish I could have seen all of him, naked and free. I gulped a lungful of air when I realized that my hand barely fit around him. God, it felt smooth and warm while it pulsated in the palm of my hand. As I held him, I felt him lengthen and swell, and hearing Shea moan almost made me come. I released my grip and used my fingers to trace his length, and this simple action made the slit on the crown weep precious beads of fluid. Feeling the moisture on my fingers, all I could do was lick my lips with the immediate urge to suckle his magnificent cock. I leaned back and pushed away from him, stepping down from the counter. I started going to my knees but Shea’s arms came around me, and pulled me back up.

  “No, Ryan,” Shea’s voice croaked, lost in his arousal.

  “You don’t want me to taste you?” I asked, arching my eyebrow.

  Shea held me against him, his exposed hardness pressing insistently into my stomach.

  “Is that even a question?” Shea paused, pulled me closer and whispered into my hair. “I want nothing more than to have your mouth on my cock, but I won’t have you on your knees in a restaurant bathroom.” He loosened his embrace and zipped up his pants. I felt like pouting. I wanted him, but the moment had passed. Shea put his fingers under my chin and raised my head so I could look him in the eye.

  “Baby, having you on your knees is one of my greatest wet dreams,” he chuckled.

  “Whatever,” I muttered, feeling slighted, struggling to get free. Gazing into the mirror, I primped my hair and makeup and checked my dress. Feeling like a woman denied, I’m fairly sure I was slightly crazed at this point.

  “You do look like you’ve been kissed . . . passionately,” Shea remarked, standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders. I leaned back and my rear pressed against him; I could still feel his erection as it dug into my back, so I gave him a little shimmy and hoped it would spark his frustration. I heard him groan. “Woman, quit torturing me, for God’s sake. Come home with me. Sleep with me.”

  “I doubt we’d do much sleeping,” I said, staring at him in the mirror. He bent his head down and touched his lips to my shoulder. My body reacted, wanting to start all over again. I felt flushed and wet.

  “Oh, I can promise that there wouldn’t be any sleeping,” he laughed. It would be so easy to forget that, years ago, I used to chase Shea the boy around his house, begging him to go to bed. Now, this strong, passionate, and very sexy man was now begging me to go to bed . . . his bed. I almost choked while the images swirled in my head.

  “Let me make dinner for you tomorrow night at my place,” he asked, with a look of anticipation on his face.

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Shea.”

  “It’s only dinner, Ryan”.

  I paused, looking up at him. “Shea, it won’t be just dinner. You made it perfectly clear you want more . . . more than just dinner”.

  “It’s not just me,” Shea said, caressing the small of my back. “I know you want me too.” He didn’t sound arrogant, just matter of fact.

  “You’re right, I am attracted to you, and if you weren’t the kid I used to babysit, we’d be fucking right now instead of having this conversation. The reality is that you have feelings for me, feelings that I should never reciprocate. I’m not willing to take a chance and hurt you, Shea.” I reached up and feathered my fingers over his cheek. “You’re too nice a man, Shea Michaels, and I don’t want to be the one who breaks your heart.” I unlocked the door of the bathroom and stepped out into the corridor. I began to walk away when I heard Shea.

  “You already broke my heart . . . thirteen years ago.”

  As I walked back into the eating area, I got a look from Carrie that should have tur
ned me to stone by the way she was seething. Shea appeared moments later and he received the same reaction, along with some heated words that I couldn’t hear. I saw him bend down and say something to Carrie. Her face turned red as she snatched her purse and bolted for the front door. Shea went after her and didn’t return, so I assumed he took her home.

  I hung out for another hour, and then one of Quinn’s brothers offered to take me home. The way he was acting in the car, I’m fairly sure I could have had a one-night stand with him, but sleeping with one of the Quinn’s brothers . . . yeah, never going to happen. Plus I was no longer in the mood, at least not with Quinn’s brother, because—face it, dumbass!—I was pining for Shea.

  Wonderful. Not only was I quietly going insane from sexual tension, but I was also a bona fide cradle robber.

  Chapter ELEVEN

  I spent the weekend doing some more work on the house and yard. I hated yard work, but I needed to keep the flower beds weeded. The gardener had done the initial hard work, now I had to do the up-keep. I decided after much mental debate that going over Shea’s for dinner would be a mistake. Yes, I’m sure the sex would be incredible, but the aftermath would be global. I could never give him what he wanted, not really. Besides, he didn’t even really know me, and I certainly didn’t know him, not anymore. Thirteen years was a long time. Since I only worked one day next week, due to the wedding, I called Candy and asked her if she would pick me up on Friday. I needed to put some distance between Shea and me for the next week, and that meant calling Shea and saying no to dinner. He picked up on the first ring.

  “Shea.”

  There was a pause and then a breath from his end. “Ryan.”